Ah, sequels. Sometimes they build up on the original. Sometimes they dissapoint. Sometimes they're pretty hollow cash-ins. ANd sometimes, sometimes they just exist because the makers of the original want to remind you, "Hey guys, still here. You remember? Like this? Remember?" This is one of those sequels. Better yet, it's a sequel to a story about something not happening. And this follow-up is about...that stuff still not happening. Gutsy move.
What is the revival in question? Perhaps the great hopes of the evangelicals that everyone is going to wake up and smell the Jesus. That God-fearing will dominate this country, It's funny that this came out the week The Rapture was said to happen. There was actually a smattering of religious movements in 19th Century America. They scattered to the winds because the preachers kept warning about, if not egging on, the end of the world. When the faithful did no ascend into heaven, most of these movements scattered to the wind. Reckonings have since kind of developed a reputation as a chronically broken promise. Celestial vaporware. We can't very interview people who were ready, maybe even eager, for the Rapture. But if more people even took it seriously to begin with, I'm sure this revival would have been dealt a blow of its own.
Ah, 1961. An important year of comics. It was the the first issue of Fantastic Four, putting Marvel on the map. But it was ALSO the year that Jack apparently put out his very first strip. I wonder how many years Chick waited around for somebody to signify the anniversary, and was met with nada? It probably soon became like when someone is whingly pointing out it's their birthday today. "Boy, I am so glad it's my birthday. I wonder if anyone's going to do anything for me. Nothing too big I hope!" He's also a little bitter that his poorly-drawn digests have not changed the landscape of the world like he was expecting too.
One is left to wonder, if Alfred Hitchcock were to come back to the land of the living, would he be proud of the influence the medium of film ascribes to him, or would he be horrified that nothing screams "insidious evil", like men attached to their mothers? He was kind of an ass who was full of himself, so likely the former. But seriously, it's no wonder "Mother" finds his screeds so offensive, because that is so clearly a man wearing that dress, his dick has a dick. I mean, that's "I think Popeye lost a bet" kind of man-looking. As for the question raised, did the "revival" in fact, happen? Well, there is definitely a strong religious movement in this country, thanks to the tireless work of televangelists, who would go on to be caught boinking their aids, female or otherwise.
Ah, yes, the family rots their brains and their souls around the boob-tube, ironically named long before it became a terrific medium for the display of actual boobs. "We've come a long way since"...I guess Jack doesn't care much for Westerns. We certainly don't have those on TV anymore, with the exception of Deadwood. Which probably isn't for the religious, although it probably quoted scripture more accurately than this strip does. I wonder if the "long way we've come since" is Family Channel, which started out as a an all-relgious channel, until like all things related to piety, became too good at making money, so they sold its shares until today we have "ABC Family", which airs Secret Life of the American Teen and that show about the guy with no belly button.
I'd like to make some kind of remark about Family Guy being our religion but...I live in Rhode Island. It can really be like that. The footnotes also tell us Stewie Griffin was an important passage in Leviticus, which propehised the homosexual subtext of a cartoon toddler. Yes, tolerance for homosexuals was pretty unthinkable back then. I mean, they were literally not thinking about it. People kind if had their hands tied trying to keep black people from going to the bathroom, and how flammable they were if they couldn't stop them. I guess Jack's a pretty ardent watcher of the Fox Network, but I wonder if he keeps up with AMC. Mad Men episodes have to make him cry; "No! No! No! It was perfect back then. Everybody was saved and nobody had sex and babies were brought in by the stork!" And then he flagellates himself after seeing Christina Hendricks.
Today's Christians are creatures of habit. Nobody actually believes in that stuff anymore, we just go because we hate sleeping in on Sunday. Especially at Churches filled with more people than a World series game. I mean, you see that? A veritable mass of people, in all senses of the word. I wouldn't even be able to tell who's raising their hand in there. Maybe that's why Oprah kept her studio audiences relatively sparse. "You get a Salvation and you get a Salvation and everybody gets a Salvation!!!"
Your neighbors, your friends, even your priest! You never know which one may be...a Secular Humanist! Dun dun duuuun! Once again, intolerance is this strange strawman's vice that is bringing the world into oblivion. You wouldn't want to disrespect people! You wouldn't want to create a precedent of second class citizenship that Christians were once on the lion-shaped end of! We have the gallery of Catholic evil, like...what looks like a Ivan the Terrible. Well, it's good Jack's giving the Orthodox guys a shout out. Then we have Mary surrounded by stars like the American flag. How unpatriotic. And finally we have...that black hooded guy from The Da Vinci Code. You know, I bet even Dan Brown looks at these conspiracy theories and mutters "No. Just, no."
Ah yes, the Spanish Inquistion. That thing nobody has ever heard of. Because nobody makes jokes about nobody expecting it. Nobody makes them the bad guys in period pieces. Nobody uses colloquialism like "the third degree" as references to torture. It's just this under-the-radar event that would not be brought up ever if not for the staunch believers in the Monty Python troupe. Jesus called Catholicism "the Great Whore" but...is that so bad? I mean, Jesus kind of liked whores. They hung around in his entourage, washed his face. He, in turn, told people not to pelt them with rocks. At worst, it's probably a backhanded compliment coming from him.
I don't know what the dude in the black robe is doing with that long stick? Is he trying to roast marshmellows of weenies off of the heretic? Maybe he's trying to contact God, using the giant cross as a dowsing stick. Or as I like to call it...wait for it... a diving rod! Bud dum chum! To be honest, I think Jack's trying to be unflattering to Pope Benedict, but he looks 200% more benign in this one. Most of the time, Ratzinger looks like one of the walking dead, here he looks like a Muppet. Albeit one of those pompous muppets that's trying to bring everyone down, but still, an improvement from the Emperor Palpatine template we're familiar with. I love how the caption points out that it's something Jack isn't supposed to show you. He's Jack Chick: International Spy and publisher or black and white comic books..
Man, today's Christian leaders are so soft. I mean, they go around protesting funerals, but not having the nerve to dig up the corpse and shame it for housing a now-resident-of-hell. The history talks about the relationship between Catholics and Protestants as a whole lotta tit, and absolutely no tat. Actually, they go on about the Catholics' tendency to burn heretics, which was true. But Protestants were kind of into that whole scene decades later. Decades after killing witches fell out of fashion, the Puritans did it all over again. Like hipsters of murder. (The hangings were ironic.) Or maybe the Catholics were hipsters, and kicked the habit when the Protestants made it popular. Whatever.
I'm not going to argue there aren't Muslims who don't want to take over the world and reshape it in their Muslims image. But when you think about how all Chick tracts in general are about trying to force everybody into one way of life and if you think that's awful you're an emissary for the devil? Well...let's just say I think if there's a version of Chick tracts in Iran somewhere, translations into English could recycle the words from some of these. You know, if this is the kind of guff George W. Bush gets, can you imagine what he's going to Obama when he gets the chance. I mean, Middle-Eastern name, not saying "fuck you Palestine" in regards to Israel, and is already the subject of more conspiracy theories than Elvis and Bigfoot combined? If Chick does die, probable cause is that the mass flurry of bullshit of ideas caused blood vessels in his already ruptured brain to literally explode.
Allah is the only God of Islam. Who do those Muslims think they are...a bunch of monotheists or something? Also, it's probably not very accurate to say the burgeoning Muslim population in Europe is facing little opposition. France, home of the Cannes film festival, where people can watch films about 13 year old lesbians shooting up and entering a murder-suicide pact, is really pissed off about the Muslim thing. Also, it's kind of funny that the comic talks about Islam being influenced by Arabic mythology and traditions. I mean what up with that? Imagine if Christianity was like that in any way at all? Say, for instance, taking stories about Pagan heroes and putting local Saints' names on them? Or moving Christ's birthday to a convenient solar festival? Or moved the Sabbath to a day reserved to the local Sun God. A Sun's Day, if you will. What a Sun-Worshipping mockery of God that would be, am I right guys?
Note the quotation marks around "moderate". To be fair, I don't think Jack believes there's a such thing as moderate Christians, either. Anybody who isn't exploding with the word like beer hops is an agent of Satan. I'm a little surprised at that woman draped in a burka, who still gets to stand at the front of the line. I notice the other protester has his face covered too. I guess even Chick is afraid of the astoundingly unflattering depiction of Middle Easterners his pen would unleash given space to work. I guess in the meantime, we'll have to make due with Mulsim that are faceless phantasms of terror, each and every one.
They're going to corrupt our nation's youth...with refreshments! Oh, how I love our Lord, but I do love hummus too! Do you think the Coptics could get in on that racket, so that everybody wins? How sad it is that Churches are just selling their lots to Muslims, as opposed to converting to IHOPs, was the historical case. Is Islam the fastest growing religion, but that actually has less to do with conversion than birth rates in countries like Pakistan and Indonesia. So it's really all the result of fucking. Those swarthy heathens are kicking Christian ass on the world stage because they're just better at fucking. So when you see some single mom in a decrepit neighborhood popping out babies like a Hasbro factory, just remember, she's not a trollop. She's not even irresponsible. She's a soldier of God. A leg-spreading soldier of God.
I think this page may not be completely historically accurate. How is the baby Jesus even being propped up, so high that he's at eye level with that donkey, there. It's pretty dumb to place him so visibly anyways. The kid's essentially Herod-bait, therefore the logic to go out of one's way to present him so conspicuously escapes me. I'm pretty sure when Jesus came back, he wasn't denied by the lawyers. Unless this is one of those anti-Semitic bits of symbolism. Or maybe he's not being denied at all. Maybe the suit is waving hi. Even if it is goodbye, that's kind of polite. Doesn't look like he's flipping the bird at Christ.
We are warned of the United Nations and its eventual U.N. Church. We'll all be led to the altar of a Globe with a laurel wreath around it. The priest will step up to his podium, asking his congregation to rise. In his deadened, sinister eyes, he will gesture to the choir, with their sickeningly music that represents an influx of all cultures. Once the song begins to play, he asks that the audience repeat the chant that is the credo of the Great United Nations Church: "Come on guys, don't do that. Please? Awww."
So I guess Christ's crucifixtion is supposed to fit in with how people are afraid people are to speak up? Except, unless their Muslism, then they're threats. Sorry guys, he is a God of salvation, a God of fury, and a God of one-way windows. They say that we identify with our heroes because they represent better versions of us. Of course, in Chick's case, what Christ represents "Everyone's angry at me now, but I'm awesome for telling it like it is, and years from now everyone will realize how awesome that I am." As opposed to being a teacher who tells everyone to stop judging and killing each other.
I think the numbers of souls saved being untold isn't in the "astronomically high" sense, but rather the "astronomically unrecorded" sense. Or better yet, the "astronomically made up" sense. But yes, Christians were persecuted for several years, until Constantine converted out of a game of divine
reaux sham beau. However, the Romans were the ones to get it all started, but screw every Christian nation until we get to the good stuff; The Anglophones, God's true chosen people. The story extols the "perfection" of the the King James bible. Who was more qualified to delegate the true word of the Lord in the words they were meant to be heard in that some crazy Scottish monarch who hungered for the flesh of teenage boys? Boy, it sure is lucky that we have a whitebread, English-speaking Bible, so that white-bread, probably speaking nothing but English Jack Chick can save everyone with maximum effiency. If the greatest cartoonist in the history of soul-saving was born in Brazil, we'd probably all be boned. In the proverbial sense, not in the sense King James's squires got boned.
That bible got
cut, guys. Stabbed, right in the third paragraph, justified. I guess everyone thought the King James Bible was a Horcrux or something. Another thing to blame Witchcraft and Wizardry for! Anyways, it seems Jimbo's version of the bible is deader than disco. And we interview the peanut gallery about why they'd rather have any other bible. Can you imagine of Jack's intense devotion to only one, single version was transplanted to something else? Like say, James Bond? He'd be one of those insane fanboys bitching about Daniel Craig and how he's blond and can't drive stick and how Sean Connery is the one true God. And then Daniel Craig would punch him in the face, because unlike Christ he doesn't consider it his thing to put up with that kind of shit.
One day you'll be minding your own buisness, and suddenly, mounted upon their dire steeds, the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse; War, Famine, Pestilence and Inflation. Oh God, Inflation is the worst one of all. Citizens will flee in the streets as the items on the dollar menu go to one dollar and ten cents. You'll be forced to spring extra for the newest film, but Inflation will make you see it in 3D. And you kind of have an astigmatism, so there will be headaches. Oh, the headaches! Is there no end?
It's very unfortunate that this came out after recent events. Because nobody is going to be able to say the words "Trump of God" with a straight face. I mean, not even Donald Trump, who upon hearing them, would make an o-face. I mean, I hope it was Chick's typical bad timing. Because if Chick actually has an actual fondness for Donald Trump I would...I mean, I'm not sure how much respect I have for him to lose, but I would most definitely be certain that these past 50 years have been joking. Trump represents Christian values like Chick represents drawing.
A host of Angels is descending upon the earth like a swam of bees. Do you think the army if God would make like termites or bees in the cartoons, and make giant shapes, like a an Angel arrow or an Angel baseball bat? Or when they come upon the Antichrist, make a giant Pac-Man shaped maw and eat him? Because I would convert on the spot if I could get to see that. It's kind of funny how the last page really has nothing to do with the cultural climate in this country, for better or worse at all. It's just some guy getting hit in the rain. And I mean, he's getting hit. Look at him fly. I mean, he is getting the crap hit out of him. Literally, if his umbrella and gifts he's carrying are pretty crappy. But I think the illustration illustrates that it's less about the artist making a point, than using a piece of paper to get murderous desires out of his system.
What is the revival in question? Perhaps the great hopes of the evangelicals that everyone is going to wake up and smell the Jesus. That God-fearing will dominate this country, It's funny that this came out the week The Rapture was said to happen. There was actually a smattering of religious movements in 19th Century America. They scattered to the winds because the preachers kept warning about, if not egging on, the end of the world. When the faithful did no ascend into heaven, most of these movements scattered to the wind. Reckonings have since kind of developed a reputation as a chronically broken promise. Celestial vaporware. We can't very interview people who were ready, maybe even eager, for the Rapture. But if more people even took it seriously to begin with, I'm sure this revival would have been dealt a blow of its own.
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